Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Feeling Overwhelmed...

And it's just the beginning. By the way, this post is all about keeping it totally real and out in the open. This is my place. While I don't want to rudely offend anyone, well, it might happen if you're getting your toes stepped on.

I'm sure for many of you who are already mom's out there, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

When I found out I was pregnant, while most of me was excited and thrilled, some of me groaned. I was wishing that some way, some how, I could fast forward through the pregnancy, raising the kids, all the way until they are moved out and on their own, so I wouldn't have to tell some people. Because some people think it is their lot in life to keep you up to date on what you should and should not do. And no, I'm not talking about my mother-in-law. While she has the capability, so far she hasn't been too overbearing.

What do you do? How did/do you handle those kind of people? I know I need to let it slide in one ear and right out the other, but how do I respond when these people are telling me to my face that I need to be careful of what I eat because they gained x number of pounds when they were pregnant because they were eating the wrong foods? In the past 4 days, the same person has to my face told me twice things that I must do or must not do.

A: I am an adult and very capable of knowing when to take naps.

B: When I am so hungry my stomach is growling, I'm not going to stop and think "Oh, oh, oh, I must watch what I'm eating or I might gain a pound!!!!" I am adult and grown up enough to know that I should not (and do not) stuff my face with chips, cookies, grease & salt laden whatevers (ok, so we went out for pizza Monday night... for the first time in a long time), pies, ice-cream, cakes, candy, sugary drinks, so on and so forth. I have purposely spent MORE money on low-fat cheese for my snack cheese instead of saving a couple dollars and getting regular cheese. I have purposely bought applesauce that does NOT have added sugar or any other strange things (mostly because I wanted to taste the apple, but no added sugar is nice). I have purposely spent high dollars on mixed nuts because they are a good snack - and one I wouldn't begin to think of snacking on if I didn't need good, healthy snacks right now. And so far, as of last week, 12 weeks into this pregnancy, I have not gained ONE POUND.

I know this is kinda a mumbo-jumbo post; it's late, I'm tired, I got my second wind when I finished the last of the sub I had for supper, and now I'm tired and hungry again. I'm going to go eat a little something and go to bed. I seriously am not eating because I want to taste the food... If you see me eating, it is because my stomach is honest-to-goodness, getting ready to growl, hungry. I had no idea it was possible to get hungry this often. And no, I do not eat a full-blown meal each time.


Sally said... [Reply to comment]

Believe me, I KNOW about the hungry thing. With Paul, I was stomach-growling hungry so much of the time, despite eating and eating and eating. I can remember eating an entire cantaloupe one evening when I got hungry after supper. But with Hannah, I didn't have those hungries. So, I guess not everyone will know what it's like.

Cate said... [Reply to comment]

I hated the unwanted advice when I was pregnant! "Your ankles are going to swell up." (No they didn't.) "You're going to want an epidural." (I did, but ended up having a natural birth just fine!) "Your husband will probably end up jealous of the baby." (He didn't.) On and on and on and on! I never figured out how to politely tell these people that if I wanted their advice, I'd ask for it, so I'm eager to see what your other readers have to say. My daughter's young enough right now (3 months) that people (aside from my mother-in-law) haven't chimed in too much about how she should be raised, but I kind of expect it will only get worse.

Rachel said... [Reply to comment]

My sympathies, I will try to not give you any advice. Especially since I have never been pregnant.

Jenn said... [Reply to comment]

I remember being so hungry at times, the cat looked good .... lol. (Don't worry, I never ate it). As for unwanted advice. Everyone has it. The best thing to do is ignore it. Smile politely and tell them you can't wait to gain 50 pounds so hubby needs to roll you from room to room. I will send you lots of positive thoughts!

A family at our Wits End... said... [Reply to comment]

Time to get some earplugs! The unsolicited advice isn't just for pregnancy! It happens with babies, and almost 3 year olds, too! Oh, and people ALWAYS say the wrong thing to pregnant women! Seriously, in what world is it EVER appropriate to comment on a women's weight (unless you are her doctor).
Just remember that YOU are the Mama! These folks may have good intentions, but they don't have your child. God ordained you and Daniel to grow and parent this particular child and you alone will be held accountable for what you do with him or her.
That said, don't be afraid to ask for advice or to listen to the unsolicited advice. Sometimes it is good advice... but not always! ;)

Meghan said... [Reply to comment]

Sounds like you are doing everything right. Maybe you should let the person know or think that you are offended by their constant commentary. Hopefully they would back off then. Besides you are young. I would not worry about losing the baby weight. I gained 30 pounds with my daughter and dropped the weight almost instantly. I will definetly watch my intake better if their is a second one.

Keep us posted because it sounds like you are doing everything right! I had awful sickness and would over do it and vomit. Yuck! Keep George fed : )

Do you have any names picked out for either gender???

Miriam said... [Reply to comment]

Thanks, everyone, for your comments!

Rachel, I really don't mind suggestions or "thinking out loud"! It's the "this is your only option" advice that rubs my fur the wrong way. Unless I've asked for it of course :P

Jenn, you cracked me up with your "50 lbs" comment :P This person's eyeballs would fall out and their jaw hit the floor if I said that! (they would think I was serious)LOL.

Meghan, we haven't started talking names yet, but we've tossed some around in the past.

Amy, Thanks for the encouragement!

Sally said... [Reply to comment]

On the advice note, I usually smile, listen, be polite, and then rant to Andrew at home. Better get used to it, dearie, it will only get worse! Everyone will tell you exactly how you felt, how you feel, and how you will feel (even if none of it is true, and they won't give you a chance to get a word in edgewise), and it's no point to even comment on their monologue, because they have their minds made up and are the ultimate authority on pregnancy and child-rearing. It happens to me nearly all the time. Here's some things that irked me to the nth degree.

Holding a pretty object in front of my child who is just old enough to reach and grab things, and then when he reaches for it, snatching it away. My child cries (it's in church) and the adult says, "Well, they have to learn they can't have everything they see." Excuse me!!! I will teach him that when I want to, I didn't ask you to do that!!!

Another one, "When you gonna teach him how to talk?" (Remember, Paul didn't talk at all until he was 2 years old.) Yeah, like I can sit him down and say, Paul, you need to start talking to Mommy. You can't make a child talk! Furthermore, it's not my fault he's not talking!

So, yeah, it just goes with the territory. I guess it helps us learn patience and forbearance. Probably the people think they are being helpful, or else they are just bored and lonely and have found a new outlet for entertainment.

Georgi said... [Reply to comment]

Tell them that you are follwoing doctor's orders and say thank you for caring and walk away.

Emily said... [Reply to comment]

If someone is being too inquisitive, just shake your head and nod...and smile. You don't have to say a word. ;)

and if they prod you, just smile sweetly and say all is well. You don't need to add to the conversation and hopefully it'll die out. haha

dthneece said... [Reply to comment]

Hmm, being a Christian, it is a difficult thing to balance our response to difficult people so that we treat them the way we want to be treated when we slip with others. Keeping it real is important and sometimes perception impacts that reality. I would ask the Lord how He wants to use you in the situation and ask Him to change my heart towards the person who is offering unwelcome advice. During this very difficult type of interaction, I have often prayed to the Lord to give me love for a difficult person. I don't think I was ever more surprised than when I actually received the love to help endure the friction of those relationship struggles. Hope this helps even a little. The Lord Bless you and your new baby!

Jessica Lewis said... [Reply to comment]

You know what honey? People love to make others miserable. I gained 25 lbs during my pregnancy and had a 10lb baby! I ate what I wanted, when I wanted and went for a walk twice a day.

I was young (21) when I got pregnant, so I got those comments, too. Anytime anyone gave me "advice", I replied with a smile, "Thank you so much for showing such an interest in my pregnancy and baby. I'm often tired, so since you want to be so involved, I would love some healthy casseroles or snacks." Seriously! No, I wasn't begging for food, but once these good-for-nothing people realized that making condescending remarks could cost them a casserole, they shut up real quick. Beware: you might have friends who DO bring you food, lol.

I don't mean to be the bearer of bad news, but this doesn't get any better. If you get an epidural, you're only concerned with your own happiness and don't care about the affect the drugs have on you or your baby. If you nirth naturally, you're a hippee wannabbe and are just trying to impress other moms and are inflicting unnecessary stress on you and your baby. If you breastfeed, you're selfish and your child will be mama's boy, etc. If you formula feed, you feed your kid crap from a can and don't really care about him/her. If you do disposable diapering, you don't care about the environment. If you use cloth diapers, you are just making life harder on you and your family and taking time away from your baby.

I'm not trying to be mean or rude, but people are just downright rude sometimes. My daughter has red hair, and my husband and I both have dark brown. Therefore, I MUST have cheated oh him, right? I've heard so many nasty comments. It's hurtful at times.

I just try to remember one thing: this is my baby. I know what's best for her. As long as I pay attention to my body and her needs, we'll be just fine. Most people freely give terrible advice because they had specific problems and fear the same for you, or are jealous that you're NOT 75 pounds heavier at six months like they were. Some people are just miserable.

I'm sorry people are being so rude to you. I must admit, I've been a blog stalker for a very long time. I absolutely love reading about your life! When I read that you were pregnant, I actually called my mom. She had no idea what I was talking about, but was excited just the same. I love your blog!

Lucy said... [Reply to comment]

Sorry Mini! Hope you can live through this stage (if it can be called a stage!) If you want to vent, I'm available most weekends!