Thursday, May 10, 2018

God Provided A Sane Dinner

I'm just going to spill from within for this blog post. Usually I try to organize my thoughts at least, but not this one. So word spilling forthcoming!

I. Am. Pooped. Like feeling more tired physically and mentally than I have in a long time.  In reality, I have myself to thank.  I'm the one who decided it would be nice to makeover Susannah's bedroom before Sylvia moves in with her.  I'm the one who is doing this mostly solo in my 30th week of pregnancy.  However, as much as the want to is still there, I am reminded that my body is doing a lot of work already and I'm pushing myself probably a little more than I should.  But other than legs, feet, hips, back, and shoulders aching... I feel fine.  Just completely and totally spent.

This furniture is what I left in the room. It has been grunted around multiple times as I painted all 4 walls.
  I am doing my best to power through this project because I am a "either do it and get it done or don't do it at all" personality.  (I can see that there are benefits to both bulldozing through projects and working on a project more sanely paced.)  Part of my desire to not drag this on is that I am very eager to have Silas moved downstairs so I don't have to lug him up and down the stairs for naps and bedtime.  Last week he randomly tried to launch out of my arms for some unknown reason as we were halfway down the stairs. I barely kept him and myself from crashing down the remainder of the way!

So I've been pushing myself, largely ignoring the housework (hello cases of paper dishes for such a time as this!), and the girls have been having a wee bit more free time than usual. Which ... always leads to squabbles.  Painting when Silas is awake is pretty much the end of his world because he wants to be IN the room WITH me.  All of those things together pushed me to get it done in as little time as possible.

That meant when I had ONE wall left to paint last evening, I pushed through and painted the last wall (after Daniel kindly helping me unload 30 zillion pounds of books and moving the bookcases).  Then I had cleanup.  It ended up being almost 2am until I lumbered upstairs to crash into bed.

A rare, sweet few minutes from Sunday afternoon.

So physically tired, pregnant body that wakes up multiple times a night to shift, move, roll over, combined with a very SHORT amount of sleeping hours (piano lesson this morning), and I was tired.  My body was tired and my brain was tired
  My temper and patience were trying to ride the Tired Train as well.  Why?  Just because when I'm tired I don't want to have self control.  Self control takes effort.  It takes thinking before I speak.  It means remembering that just because I don't want to or feel like [whatever] doesn't mean everyone else is feeling the same way.

He will climb any stool left in his reach!

By dinner time today I was propping my eyelids open with toothoicks.  Walking took conscious effort.  I messaged Daniel hopeful but doubtful that he would be home for dinner (his work is like every dam and retaining wall broke loose).  He confirmed he was still out for a while yet.  As I stood there chopping a quick salad to go with stuffed shells from the freezer, I honestly didn't know how I could stay awake for 3 more hours let alone care for 4 other people.  So... I prayed.  I don't remember what I prayed but it was basically "Lord, I can't do this alone.  I need You to supply what I need in order to make it."

When I was serving up everyone's food it dawned on me.  Everyone helped get the table ready for supper.  Everyone was sitting with good attitudes.  No one was whining or bickering because "she X, Y or Z-ing and I don't like it."  The girls were speaking kindly and politely.  They had ALL gotten their own cups of water WITHOUT me telling or reminding them.  The entire meal was pretty much this way.  God was giving me what I needed in that moment to make it through.  He didn't put a huge burst of energy into my body.  He didn't suddenly remove the exhausted, aching discomforts in my body.  He didn't fast forward time so we were all suddenly through the evening and tucked into bed asleep.  He did a simple thing I could have easily missed: He gave me 4 cheerful, content, helpful children who ate like champions.  After dinner He gave me an out of the blue idea for how I could sit on the couch with my feet up... and direct a "workout session" for the girls on the living room rug.  They loved it!  (Silas was enamored to hold my phone and crawl around and sit beside me on the couch.) He gave me girls who asked to get into their pajamas as soon as dinner was over (I didn't need to tell them).  He gave me girls that brushed their own teeth while I put Silas to bed.  He gave me a girl who didn't complain once when I reminded her of our (newish) rule that if her blankie isn't on her bed at bedtime, she goes without it.  And now He has given me a quiet house as I prop my feet up.

God is so good and provides above and beyond anything we could think or ask.  I could have asked for specifics and then chosen to be disgruntled when He didn't answer to the T of my request.  However, when I asked just to get through, He provided perfectly as He always does (it is often our desires and ideas of "perfectly" that are skewed).  It is rare that a single-parent evening goes this smoothly for me, especially when single parenting happens multiple days in a row.  (Hmm... do I need to learn from this??)

So... just be encouraged and reminded that sometimes just asking without being specific is all we need to do.

Now I am going to go slather my aching legs with some essential oils and crawl in bed.  The bedroom make-over will resume tomorrow.  After I get some sleep.  The next step is putting all the furniture back.  Perhaps I will eat Wheaties for breakfast, haha!!