Monday, November 16, 2009

Being A Grown-Up

is hard. Our November is on the verge of insane, with something going on at least 1 of the days of single weekend (not counting church twice on Sundays). Throw in grocery trips, Dr. appointments, MOPs meetings, Bible Studies, Wed night choir practice, all the obligatory things to attend for Thanksgiving (yes, I do want to attend some of them, I very well might opt out of any "extra" events), and November is gone in one big *POOF.*

I've known that our December was likely to be just as busy but really hoped not. Our church's Christmas Choir Concert, Sunday School social, this, that and all the other stuff. Some of them are very important to me, other's I'm obligated to, and other's ... I wish could happen at a less busy time of year.

Today looking at the calendar and trying to figure out when it would suit our calendar to have Daniel's family's Christmas, I realize how very, very, very full December really is going to be. The end of this year is going to be just like July & August were for us... gone every single stinkin' weekend, with a ton more in-between things going on. I really want to sit down and cry.

Growing up, in December - yes, it was different than the other months of the year - but we didn't have umpteen million gajillion different kind of things we had to go to. We had Christmas Day (at home) and Christmas in PA (the one we travelled for). That was it. Maybe I just didn't realize it so much, but it seems like now there are more things that I have to prepare for - be it gifts, food, cleaning, etc. - and I really just want to have a relaxing December. I loooove December. I really do. For me December is all about Christmas. Christ AND the gifts! And instead it's become all about staying sane, squeezing in 1 more function, going 1 more place, planning 1 more dish or menu, and trying to keep one step ahead so I won't end up buried under a pile of whatever.

Maybe I'm selfish to want "what I want and no more." I'm sure to other people that my "no more" is their "what they want," which means to be nice I need to attend and do my part for whatever it is so that they can have a nice December and Christmas, too.

I still haven't given up the idea of becoming a Hermit.


Cate said... [Reply to comment]

I've started to feel the same way about holidays, especially now that we have a baby. We have so many obligations that the holiday season has ceased to be pleasant for us. Instead, it's stressful, and we find ourselves resenting those obligations. This year we've had to step back a little and look at what OUR priorities are--because there's no point in living your life for other people. We haven't been rude about scaling back, but we've also made it clear that it's nonnegotiable.

Sarah said... [Reply to comment]

Being a grown up IS hard.

And with it means making grown up decisions. Sometimes decisions that don't make everyone happy.

However, you have to do what's best for you and Daniel. Sit down together and prioritize the rest of November and all of December.

Just because you feel obligated to something doesn't mean you HAVE to do it. Might someone be offended? You bet. But if you're stretching yourself too thin, you're not doing anyone any good.

Social activities are not a requirement. Not even church ones. Just talk to Daniel. Let him lead and breathe. ☺

Georgi said... [Reply to comment]

I have discovered over the years that saying "No" does not hurt anyone in the end. Once you have the baby you will have to say no or you will be crazy.

Maria D. said... [Reply to comment]

You might want to run the Hermit idea by your husband first. ;-) I hope you'll be able to find a little reprieve in the midst of all the craziness!

Sally said... [Reply to comment]

I made some comments about this sort of thing on FB. I agree with some of the people here, figure out what is important to you and Daniel, and scrap the rest. One thing about Andrew is that he doesn't do things just to do them, usually. He takes in the functions that he wants to, and leaves the rest (unless they are important to me). Another thing, if there are things you want to attend because of the people, don't be afraid to show up either without a dish (there are only 2 of you), or something REALLY simple, like popcorn (I've done that!) or grapes. If you want to host an event, don't be afraid to have folks bring ALL the food, and you just focus on swishing the toilet and putting on nice music (I've done that too).

You are entering motherhood. You are tired. It takes less work to wear you out. This is a phase of life, and it will pass. I am entering a new phase when I can do a little more before I get tired out. So, I can assure you this is not the rest of your life. But, it is where you are now, and you have to live where you're at, not in some future or previous stage.

Hang in there! I know you can figure out the changes to make in order to ENJOY life, instead of ENDURING life.

Liz said... [Reply to comment]

Our holidays used to be the same. Until we learned to say no and then consolidate what we could. Sometimes we don't get to see everyone, but the times we have are far more enjoyable and not rushed. And we aren't all grumpy!

Steph (My Country Haven) said... [Reply to comment]

I know what you mean about the holidays. It's definitely not an easy time. I hope that things calm down and you can find a middle ground.

I also wanted to let you know that I am giving you the Kreative Blogger Award! Come check out my blog for details!

missy said... [Reply to comment]

Remember to get plenty of rest and you can say no people will understand!