Today was my 39 (and a 1/2) week OB appointment. Everything is still great and silently (and fairly painlessly) progressing towards what will hopefully be a good, safe, normal labor and delivery.
Today I was thinking back to my first pregnancy and remembering how anxious (and eager and excited) I was for the baby to come. I had my own idea of when the baby would come, how it would happen, and I certainly didn't think that I would go past my due date. It was very much an emotional struggle for me the last few weeks of my first pregnancy because ... well, because I wasn't being content. I'm sure that it being my first made a difference, too.
This time, yes, I am very eager and excited, but not nearly as anxious. I think the most anxious I have been yet was Tuesday, when my chiropractor - for the 2nd week in a row - predicted that Wednesday would be the day I would have the baby. My mistake on Tuesday was trusting more what the chiropractor was predicting and letting myself brush off the fact that ONLY God knows this baby's birthday. I might have inwardly freaked out a little as Tuesday went on and I was thinking what all "needed" to be done by the time I went to bed that night because the baby is supposed to come tomorrow!! (Nope, the chiropractor was wrong, as much as he was hoping he would be right!)
Knowing that this baby could come at any moment does make life a little interesting and sometimes I stress over the silliest things like "should I start supper?" ... "should I give the kitchen a thorough cleaning or can I let it go a bit and work on something less pressing?" ... "if I start making bread, will I be able to finish it?" Overall, on the whole though, I have noticed that I am much more at peace this time. Since Susannah was born late, my whole thought process throughout this pregnancy has been that this baby will probably be late, too. Only in the past few weeks has the "any day" reality started to kick in.
Yes, I would love to be holding our baby in my arms already :) Yes, I am very ready to be done being pregnant for this time. I would love to know if we get to use our boy name or our girl name (I think Daniel just changed the girl middle name this evening! To one we both like and had talked about. :) ). I would love to be able to roll over in bed without doing an extensive exercise workout :) And to be able to put on my bottom-half clothes normally. And all of those other things... but it's just not time yet. And I'm fine with that. Those things are certainly inconveniences, but I can't (and don't want to) make this baby be born just for convenience's sake :)
In the meantime, as I wait, I remind myself that each day that passes is one day closer to having our baby even though I don't KNOW when that day is going to be. I remind myself that God is in control, and He must not be quite finished knitting this child in my womb yet (Psalm 139.13) :) I think it also helps that I have Susannah as a distraction to keep me busy, a lot of cleaning, purging and organizing projects that I've been working on and still have to work on when I get the urge, and a husband who goes about every day like it's just another day :) And when the baby wiggles around - or gets the hiccups like today! - I remember to pay attention to them and enjoy the sweetness of them, because very soon I won't be feeling them on the inside anymore.