You know the Berenstain Bears story "Too Much Party"? That's how I feel. Peopled out. Socialed out. Get everybody dressed up and loaded up and drive to be around more people -ed out. Really struggling with the thought of going to the Christmas Eve service vs. staying home and having our own little quiet "service".
Which should I do? Which will bring much-needed nourishment to my soul? Good quality spiritual food, the meat and potatoes kind, has felt far and few between from our church's pulpit this year (we are between Senior pastors). A lot of milky sermons that leave my heart and soul begging and crying and longing for MORE. I try and listen to meat and potatoes sermons on the radio but they are during hours of the day when I am in full-blown parenting mode.
If I/we (Daniel's on call so I can't have any idea if he'll be home or not this evening) stay home from the Christmas Eve service, is that giving in to my selfish, moping "don't wanna go anywhere" desires? Is that just having an ornery attitude? If I do get us all ready and go, is that being sacrilegious since I'll be there but don't really want to be (at least right now I don't really want to be)?
I don't know and wish I did. That there were some special formula to have the answer.
It's not that I don't want to celebrate Christmas. I do. I really, really do. I just don't want to go anywhere to do anything. I bet Mary kinda felt that way, too, huh? 9 months pregnant and having to travel several days, probably surrounded by other people also traveling - maybe even whispering and making comments about her pregnancy, to end up in a crazy-busy town full of more people. My guess is that she was not a social butterfly but more of a quiet, contemplative kind.
I have rambled a bit here, trying to see if sorting my thoughts out would give me any type of "a-ha!" revelations. That hasn't happened. Maybe a nap followed by some quality Christmas music will help.